If I added up how much money I’ve spent trying not to have my face dry out like the desert I (choose) to inhabit, I would probably cry. Most hydrating face creams claim to make you look younger. Fuck that, I’m just trying to look my age. But, the good news is at least I would not be crying alone. Thousands of other women and men also blow their proverbial wads on moisturizing elixirs from farmer’s markets made of baby tears, whole milk and organic yak spit (obviously).
Until recently, I thought there was no real solution or at least nothing that I could afford without getting with Jeff Bezos (gross). BUT, I have good news, even better than the fact that I am not with Jeff Bezos. Hydrated, healthy Colorado skin is possible if you can nail the right products and habits.
Drink Water – A Lot of It
Depending on how long you’ve lived in Colorado, it’s probably become pretty apparent that it is the high desert and it is dry as fuck. Carrying at least a 21 ounce water bottle with you at all times is akin to having your wallet, keys, cellphone and…pants. We go everywhere with our beloved Kleen Kanteen, Hydroflask or Nalgene. We love our water bottles so much that we decorate them with stickers of every single brand that gives us a free sticker. We don’t even care if we like the brand. Got a cool sticker? It’s going on my water bottle. Haven’t washed your water bottle in weeks or even months? Doesn’t matter. At least you won’t die if you get stuck in I-70 ski traffic – just don’t go sharing it with anyone (you know who you are).
In any other state if you brought a water bottle to an office meeting it would be considered tacky. Not in Colorado. If you’re the one without your water bottle, you’re the asshole. But I digress. According to the “experts” an average adult woman should drink about 2.7 liters of water per day. This is about 4.3 bottles in your 21 ounce Nalgene. Yeah, it’s basically a part-time job that if you don’t show up, you get chronic migraines, fatigue and possibly death. NBD. I like to follow the rule of thumb, if I’m not drinking water right this minute, I probably should be.
Wash Your Face Sans Face Wash
I know, I know, but you have this brand of face wash you love that gets your face as clean as a baby’s arse. But, unless you’re a lady farmer in Greeley, your face is probably not that dirty. If you are a lady farmer in Greeley, that’s super dope, you can do whatever you want cause you’re way cooler than me. A lot of face washes have alcohol in them. which is a big no-no if you’ve already got dry skin or you live in the high desert.
The best face wash for dry skin is…water! You got it, it comes from your faucet and is here to wash the makeup off your face… for free. If you want to get rid of the horror show eye make up look after you wash your face, take a little shea butter on a cotton swab. Gotta lubricate dem eyelashes anyway
Apply Derma E Vitamin C Concentrated Serum
You can get this stuff at your local Whole Foods (shocker) or even better on Amazon for around $20. After washing your face, squirt a few squirtlets in your palm and prepare to get wet. But really, rub it into your skin in circular motions and you can actually feel it seeping into your pores. The magic elixir of this stuff is the hyaluronic acid which I have been told by “experts” is the only thing that really seeps into your pores to provide moisture from the inside out. This product is also super dope because there are only four ingredients, all of whom you can pronounce without a PhD in chemistry.
Lather Mimosa Blossom Dream Cream
This is not the name of a Phish song or the name of your super heady friend’s first born. It is perhaps the most overlooked product in the Whole Foods skin care section. It might be it’s very inconspicuous label or the fact that it’s called “Mimosa Blossom Dream Cream” and everyone who passes it by thinks, “how high were they?” I’m here to tell you that they must have been pretty stoned, but this shit is unreal. It’s hands-down the most hydrating salve I’ve ever found and is only $18 for 6 ounces. Why do we assume if things are cheap they’re suspicious? Why do we assume that if it has a label that looks like it was the cat’s meow in 1992 that it can’t be incredible? Put your assumptions away my friend and dive into the Mimosa Blossom Dream Cream face first.
Plus, the first of about fifteen lovely ingredients is…wait for it…”purified mountain rain water.” How could you go wrong?
Tinted Elta MD Sunscreen
I know what you’re thinking…but, it’s winter why do I need sunscreen. If you live in Colorado you need to wear sunscreen all the time. It doesn’t matter that you won’t be outside today, if you are near a window and it’s the day time, you’ll need protection. Living at altitude literally means living closer to the sun, that is real shit. Not only do we live closer to the sun, there is more of it – nearly 365 days of the year. Just make sunscreen part of your daily morning routine and your crowsfeet will thank you later.
This stuff was recommended to me by a dermatologist, so I snagged some on Amazon and I have been in love ever since. It’s SPF 40 and made for broad spectrum exposure (read all the spectrums of the sun) which is perfect for mountain dwelling. Plus, the slight tint makes you look a little bit less like a pasty ghost in the winter.
100% Raw Shea Butter
This is not a drill. If you feel like you’ve reached critical mass with not being able to hydrate, just grab a glob of raw shea butter and get to rubbing. This stuff is especially amazing as an additional layer to the Blossom Dream Cream, but I wouldn’t recommend putting make up on over it. It will probably slide right off your face. I’ve been buying the Shea Moisture brand at Target for about $10, but any 100% raw fair trade shea butter should do. I also find it to be the best for dry cuticles, hands and wait for it…nipples. You read that right, your nipps are probably dry and you should rub this all over them.