Before I met Wyatt, I was Bumbling hard for about a year. It was exhausting, interesting, depressing, exciting, but most of all hilarious. For all the single ladies out there Bumbling hard, just know that what could seem like horrible experiences, can sometimes be softened by these two thoughts: when you’re 80, you’ll reflect on this time and think, “Those were the days…” and this, like everything in life, is temporary. Might as well laugh about it while you can. Here are some of my favorite journal entries about my Bumble experiences.
How to Spot Red Flags on a First Date
I’m eating sushi with an unmemorable guy. I tell him that sushi is my favorite food. Despite the fact that he took me to sushi, he says he actually hates it. He then says “all meat tastes the same to me.” Cool.
How to Hack Bumble Dating Code
Normally, none of the following questions suck. For some reason, in the seemingly scripted land of Bumble all of them are cringe worthy.
“What do you do for fun?”
“How long have you been in Colorado?”
“Do you ski or board?”
How many fourteeners have you climbed?
How to Avoid “Cross-Pollinating”
Me to my girlfriend.
Me: “I met this guy, an engineer from Michigan.”
Friend: “Oh yeah? What’s his name?”
Friend: “Hmm…what’s his last name?”
Since he’s one of six “Matt Bumble” in your phone and getting last names is strictly forbidden, you compare phone numbers. It is indeed, the same “Matt Bumble.”
Moral of the story, if you live within five miles of your best friend and her Bumble radius is the same as yours, you can guarantee that your Bumble game is overlapping. Just how much is what really matters.
How to Spot Guys Named Chad
When you walk into a bar in Denver looking for a tall, bearded white guy who tells you he’s “wearing a plaid button down” and you walk up to at least two other people.
“No, sorry, not Chad.”
Walk away, think to yourself, “Hopefully that was the last time I ever have to ask a random lumbersexual if his name in Chad.”
In a world full of Chads, I’m just looking for the Waldo.
Bumble Life Lessons
Believe it or not, this story ends less depressing than you might think.
After very apathetically dating a Bumble dude for a couple of months, I was on the brink of total psychological, romantic, and emotional exhaustion. I knew this guy was not “the one” and all of my friends told me so very candidly (thanks, Casey).
One night one on what I told myself would be our last date, we went out to sushi with his friends. Wyatt sat directly across from me. We talked about real estate (hot, I know).
I approached that night like I was meeting a friend of a friend of a guy I was planning on never seeing again. Nothing to win, nothing to lose.
Three months after I broke it off with Bumble dude, Wyatt and I both got back on Bumble for one last shot.
Now I’m just trying to be more open knowing that monumental moments (good band name) can happen anytime.