Creative Destruction

I was flying high, being pulled up by my throbbing ego. I had just been offered a job making significantly more money than ever before, working remotely, all the while doing something that I considered my niche expertise. I remember blasting Tupac or something super gangster on my ride home, ready to announce to the world, that I WAS NOW A MUTHERFUCKING BOSS.

Fast forward less than one month later to me sitting on the couch in my pjs sobbing to my mom on the phone. The type of someone died ugly who gives a fuck kind of cry where your face hurts from contorting in ways you didn’t know was possible. The kind of crying where you can’t recognize yourself in the mirror – all red and puffy and sad and wrinkly. My mom explained to me that getting fired was just a right of adult passage. Hopefully only to happen once. That everything would be okay. Her total tranquility immediately deflated my big self-pitying red balloon and I felt immediate relief.

The job, however short my time there, was a total fucking nightmare. It should also be noted that one of the major benefits of working remotely is that there is a solid bullshit buffer. Think of all the times you wanted to roll your eyes, yell “fuck you” or simply not wear pants in a meeting. Then realize that all of this is possible when working remotely. That said, the nearly impenetrable digital super dome had nothing on the toxicity of this job. The digital transferral of pure aggression, chaos and total ineptitude was next level. So they did me a favor. They cut me loose when I would have tried to make it work even though I could read the writing on the wall, the ghost ship was sinking and icebergs abound.

So I took a deep breath. Mom to the rescue.

I’m not going to say that in the moment or even over the past few months it’s always been sunny. I’ve had my fair share of anxiety, self-doubt, and everything in between. But, what I will say is that it has been and continues to be one of the most transformative experiences that I didn’t even know I needed.

I was cruising on autopilot, feeling (too) confident, going (too) fast, missing (almost) everything. And then I crashed. I realize now, that I had to crash to wake.the.fuck.up. And so, I somewhat groggily and unwillingly at first, have awoken.

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